The Real Dream Cabaret

Royally Delicious Cuisine @ Spree 09

2009-06-25T22:36:00.000-07:00

The Royally Delicious Cuisine Co. at the Buffalo Spree Best of Buffalo 2009 party. Below are some of the tweets our guests sent:

Great Presentation!

Fantastic. Lovely. Divine even.

Pain is death.

Love the business cards!

The herring was "magnifique!"

Truly Royally Delicious - Queen Karen

Better than you can imagine.

Wonderfully light. I have never experienced anything like it.

The only tastes I didn't feel guilty about later.

Yum-o. Very light and refreshing.

Asian sensation.

Very odd. Tastes like nothing.

You are just fabulous darling just fabulous - Lady Hope

The most delicious cuisine. All the fragrances are fit for a king. The vittles are princely. - Lou Milazzo

Absolutely marvelous. Royally delightful.

I swear I have never tasted anything like it. - Lord Turmoric

I don't like the smoky flavor of the salmon but the drink was a nectar.

Tweet tweet.

Better to be a town twit than a town twat.

I love it.

Cuisine de rien.

Julie would be jealous. Tres bien extraordinaire.

Giant star fireworks.

Finally the royalty has arrived.

Lo cal, great taste!

The fluffiest, most delectable cuisine ever imagined.

Especially Buffalo!

2009-06-18T00:14:00.000-07:00

Here, at long last, is a taste of our performance in and around the crowd at Shea's last summer as part of Buffalo Spree's 2008 Best Of WNY party. (Sidenote: Guess which self-acclaimed improvisational satirical collective nabbed an award that night as Best Experimental Act?)

Sad you missed us? Weep not, for we've been invited back THIS year:

Best of WNY 2009
Thursday, June 25
Shea's Performing Arts Center
5:30 to 8:30 p.m.

Tickets are $30 in advance and $40 on the day of the party--and either way it's a bargain, given the amount of food you'll get to try, the wine you'll taste, the goodies you'll take home, and the friends you'll run into, to say nothing of a once-in-a-lifetime Dream Cab show. All the proceeds benefit Camp Good Days & Special Times.

Want tickets? Just click here.

We're still here! (Still blogging away, too!)

2009-02-18T09:37:00.000-08:00

OK, OK, so we're still not the most diligent of self-promoters, but we've been steadily Dream Cab-bing away all along. At the moment we are working on WoyUbu, an epic collaboration with the Intermedia Performance Studio at UB and a veritable army of robots and the humans who make them run. It's so epic, in fact, that some of us have been working on this thing for over two years now--but next month, every Friday and Saturday from March 13 to 28 at 1716 Main in Buffalo, you'll finally be able to see the end result.

In the meantime, you can watch the production come together through this behind-the-scenes blog, with entries by the director, performers, tech masterminds, and other parties. (That's right--shocking as it may sound, we are working with an outside director, learning lines, rehearsing for more than a week ... It's a whole new world for the Real Dream!)

"Especially Buffalo" Films at the Spree Party

2008-08-21T20:44:00.000-07:00

What's New

2008-07-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

You're probably wondering what the Real Dream Cabaret has been up to lately because "keeping our website and blog up to date" is clearly not part of the answer. Though not technically a RDC project, several cabbers (Jack Papier, Ronawanda, The Why Not Guy, Elizabeth and Eamonn) portrayed pretty much an entire town in Brian and Holly's epic cinematic retelling of the Scarlet Letter, starring our own Claire as Hester Prynn. The film premiered to a packed house at Hallwalls in February and got raving reviews. Squeaky Wheel's Peep Show brought out our romantic side as we gave Speed Dating another shot. Ronawanda, Elizabeth, Doug and The Why Not Guy were looking for love but alas, it wasn't meant to be. March was easier. So easy, in fact, that we presented the Easy Show for one night only at Rust Belt Books. The evening featured not one but two splashy musical numbers, topical Spitzer/Hooker jokes and Anna Chiaretta. All three seemed popular. We also learned just how prolific Holly is (answer: very). In preparation for the perpetually upcoming Outlaw Show we're enjoying the ongoing Real Dream Cabaret Book/Movie Club. So far we've watched Steal This Movie, Bonnie and Clyde, Paper Moon, Dogville and Breathless.

Ok, you're all caught up!

One night only!

2007-04-10T20:52:00.000-07:00

Hallwalls presents...

INSIDE AND OUT:
INFECTED DISTRICTS AND MEMORY LANES

A Multi Media Extravaganza
Featuring Film, Performance and Music by

MARK STREET
THE REAL DREAM CABARET
OPEN MUSIC ENSEMBLE

Friday, April 13, 2007 at 8 pm
Hallwalls Contemporary Arts Center
341 Delaware Ave, Buffalo NY
Tickets $7 general - $5 students and seniors - $4 members

Carpetbagger film artist Mark Street and Buffalo cognoscenti THE REAL DREAM CABARET and members of the OPEN MUSIC ENSEMBLE join forces to meditate on climate change, that elusive inside/outside chasm, and how this city can be read differently depending on your vantage point. This rollicking, untamed evening of live performance, film and music will include interviews conducted on city streets about global warming, madcap anachronistic vignettes, hand painted 16mm film footage, archival images of the ‘77 blizzard, sublime and winsome footage of the Ohio St. bridge and a short movie of a former resident rediscovering a love of bowling first discovered on the Polish East Side in the late 1960’s.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Brooklyn-based MARK STREET is this year’s Hallwalls Arts Residency Project media artist in residence. Street’s works have screened at: Museum of Modern Art, NY, Whitney Museum, Toronto Film Festival, New York Film Festival, Sundance Film Festival, London Film Festival, Festival du Cinema Nouveau, Montreal, Oberhausen Film Festival, Viennale International Film Festival, Vienna,VIPER Film Festival, Zurich, European Media Arts Festival, Pacific Film Archive, SF Cinematheque, San Francisco International Film Festival, NY Underground Film Festival, Reel NY, CH 13 WNET NY, Ann Arbor Film Festival, Black Maria Film Festival, Wisconsin Film Festival. “My work ranges from abstract hand-manipulated pieces to work that involves found footage, to feature length improvised narratives. Each film attempts to investigate new terrain, and avoids being confined by a specific look or mood....I like to work the surface of film to create rich visuals which I shape in a very intuitive, personal way. Since I started making films in 1983 I've always gone back to painting, bleaching and marking frames one by one; I'm exhilarated by this tactile relationship with film material. I like the way these abstract films allow the viewer to be drawn into unfamiliar worlds ... My interests in film and videomaking are restless and peripatetic. I've made films about the American flag, soft-core pornography, a Brooklyn walk, a trip to Mexico, day-to-day life in Tampa, Florida and three high school girls celebrating their graduation. Each new project sends me spinning in a new direction. Because I reject the constraints of traditional production values and develop my own process for each new film, any subject seems possible.”

Go to SHELL

2006-09-13T01:54:00.000-07:00

THE REAL DREAM CABARET
presents
THE SHELL OF SENSE
Fridays and Saturdays at 9 p.m.
at Rust Belt Books
202 Allen Street, Buffalo, NY
(716)885-9535

Admission: Your hourly wage.

conceived and performed by
Lieu-Lieu Deux-Flores, Kitty Jung,
Sigmund the Satisfactory,
Ronawanda, Dora, Jack Papier,
Piaget the Mute Swine,
and special guest Corbeau Morreau

featuring a different house band and guests artists each weekend:

September 22-23, 2006
HOUSE BAND: Pam Swarts & company
GUEST ARTISTS:
Kendall
Julie Perini
Don Metz

September 29-30, 2006
HOUSE BAND: Open Music Ensemble
GUEST ARTISTS:
Lara Buckley
Dana Block
Stephanie Rothenberg
Aaron Piepszny

October 6-7, 2006
HOUSE BAND: Dimetrodon
GUEST ARTISTS:
Heather Connor
Annette Daniels-Taylor
Can of Worms (Oct 7)

October 13-14, 2006
HOUSE BAND: TBA
GUEST ARTISTS:
Kristianne Meal
Nimbus Dance
members of Babik
Raw Deal

(Note: weekly lineup is subject to change;
this post will be updated as needed.)

Advance tickets available at Rust Belt Books.
Seating is very limited, so don't delay!

PICTURE this

2006-07-20T22:32:00.000-07:00

I know we're not usually so overt on our blog, but I am in a promotional mood at the moment, so bear with me.

We are part of this festival:

Our new show THE PICTURE runs Thursday, July 27-Sunday, July 30 at Squeaky Wheel. It has something to do with Oscar Wilde, McCauley Culkin, and a magic cat. The show after that runs Sept. 23-Oct. 15 at Rust Belt Books. It's about Judas, Oprah Winfrey, and lying.

Also, watch for us on the TV show Crossroads on Adelphia Channel 13 in Buffalo on Tuesday, July 25, from 3-4 p.m.

OK, I've got it out of my system now.

10 pictures of DORIAN GRAY

2006-06-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

In preparation for our next show, behold a collection of video clips inspired by The Picture of Dorian Gray:

1. Long live 80s music video!

(That's semi-obscure synthpopper Robert Marlowe's "The Face of Dorian Gray," in case you were wondering.)

2. Who knew? Turns out the book is really a warning about the dangers of internet porn, more than 100 years before the fact:

3. Pretty much the entire 1945 movie adaptation, in the form of 9 minutes' worth of stills subtitled in French:

4. A verrrrrrrry short Spanish art-film version of the story:

5. A table full of high school girls take the opposite approach to the problem of adaptation: instead of trying to condense a novel into a three-minute video clip, they devote three verrrrrry long minutes to two lines. Hooray for the American educational system for producing tomorrow's avant-garde today!

6. Just what is it with the giggly high-school girls and their baffling inside jokes about Dorian G?

(Is it possible she has him confused with David Copperfield?)

7. By contrast, high-school-age boys (okay, he's 19) deliver fairly straightforward book reports (curiously never spelling out the obvious connection between the two novels under consideration) :

8. Ah, now we get to the heart of the problem: here's what the kids are really doing when they're supposed to be discussing the book in class...

9. I'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with the book, but it's my favorite video with the keyword "Dorian" :

10. To close, two lilting ballads by a band who take their name from Wilde's immortal tale. I'm quite certain old Oscar would approve of the wry, subtle wit of their lyrics:

What To Do?

2006-03-29T09:42:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone, it's the Real Dream Cabaret's beloved Why (Not!) Guy here. Thank you. Sorry for not posting more lately, but I've been a bit down. I'm really interested in getting back into the dating scene again, but I just don't have the time for a long, drawn out "dinner and a movie" when we might not even be compatible anyway. I wish there was a way to, you know, speed up the dating process. Dating, but with more speed. A speedy way of dating. Oh well, sucks to be me I guess.

Jeepers Creepers, it's a PEEPshow

2006-02-22T00:57:00.000-08:00

Here's where you'll find us next:

Catch REAL CREAM PRODUCTIONS
(aka THE REAL DREAM CABARET)
in room 825 of the Hotel Lenox (140 North St., Buffalo, NY)
as part of PEEP SHOW, A Love and Sex Art Party
(a fundraiser for Squeaky Wheel)
SATURDAY, February 25, 2006, from 8:00 p.m. until 2:00 a.m.

Real Cream Productions will be shooting a series of
specialty films all night long (mainly from 9 to midnight).
Visit often—new movies every 15 minutes!
We’ll also be conducting OPEN AUDITIONS,
so here’s your chance to strut your sexy stuff.

Admission to PEEPSHOW is $12 in advance, $15 at the door.
Advance tickets are being sold at New World Record & Talking Leaves Books.

The party will feature over 20 artists' installations
in hotel rooms on the 8th floor.
Live music, silent art & gift auction, performance art,
film/video screenings, striptease acts,
and of course much drinking and dancing...
throughout the hotel...
ALL NIGHT LONG!

Click here for more info on PEEPSHOW.

Sorry Guys!

2005-11-12T00:25:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note to let everyone know I won't be able to make it to the John Lennon tribute at Nietzche's next Thursday. I'm heading up to Montreal for a week or so - all this war stuff has really got me freaking out, and I need to just hole up in a hotel room with my Stephin Merritt CDs and a Lil' Abner anthology. I got kick-ass rates for a room at the Queen Elizabeth Hotel on priceline.com. Watch, there probably won't be a bed.

It's All a Sham!!!

2005-08-05T18:30:00.000-07:00

The truth will come out!!! Freedom-hating Al Qaeda supporters and "alleged" "entertainers" the Real Dream Cabaret are trying to ruin everything that decent Americans hold dear. These flag-burning baby-killing cross-dressing Toyota-driving foreign film-watching Bush-bashing "actors" want you to think the new Supreme Justice Tim was chosen for his fairness and balance, and for winning certain "challenges" at the Super Intense Decision Show. As Bob Novak would say, this is bullshit! Nothing could be further from the truth! He is actually a personal friend of several RDC members chosen because he could be counted on to advance their ultra-left wing special interest agenda. I have it on good authority from a secret operative working undercover with these degenerates that Gay Sasquatch marriage is only the first step down a slippery slope of immorality where family values have long since been eroded away by the powerful current of the atheists pissing on the Bible and the Second Amendment of the Constitution. What next? Loch Ness Monster adoptions? Bat Boy serving in the military? After all, God created Adam and Eve not Gay Sasquatch and Steve.

Ronawanda

2005-07-29T22:17:00.000-07:00

Y'all, I have just made a HUGE decision: I am going to be performing with the rest of the Real Dream Cabaret at Squeaky Wheel in Buffalo after all! My former manager and longtime lover Monte Stein called me out of the BLUE last week to try and persuade me to do a gig at the Teacher's Pet School Supply Store in Atlanta, but that place just gave me the CREEPS for some reason when I was down there for a visit. Monte never did know what was best for me, so after several sleepless nights I just burst into song--as I so often do--and said/sang, "I am TELLING you, I am NOT GOING!"

It was the hardest decision I have had to make since that whole Nader/Gore mess back in 2000. And by an amazing coincidence, the next Cabaret show is all about decisions, which is why it's called the SUPER INTENSE DECISION SHOW. Here's the dates and times. Pay attention cuz they're kinda funny:

Thursday, August 4th at 8 PM
Friday, August 5th at 9 PM
Saturday, August 6th at 2 PM
Sunday August 7th at 4 PM

Cost: Your Hourly Wage

The show is part of the Buffalo InFRINGEment Festival, which features over 125 performances in 11 days, from July 28-August 7. There's all kinds of amazing events, like puppet shows and street performances and an all-female version of Glengarry Glen Ross and one play that takes place in a series of parked cars. This site will give you all the details on all the shows. Oh, and this site contains viewer feedback on individual shows, the whole festival, etc.See y'all there!

Subcommander Zero

2005-06-30T08:32:00.000-07:00

It was inevitable. Subcommander One and I, Lutheran terrorists for the past two years, sending our message of Christian ideals through violence, have gone straight. Because we were quickly rising on the FBI's most wanted list, the government has decided to co-opt our activities, hiring us to run terrorist drills across the country. We've been hired so the government can show all the good people of America, through extreme role-playing and broadcasts on local news channels, how effective the government is at erradicating terrorism. It's just really nice that all the hard work we've done has finally paid off with a big check from George W. It's also interesting that when people don't feel threatened they seem to listen to our message more. We've had more recruits to our radical Lutheran cause since becoming professional United States terrorists than through all of our bomb threats, kidnappings and plane hijackings combined! We'll be performing our terrorist drill all across the country this summer. If you want to see how effective your government is, come check us out at the following venues:

Bop Brick Oven Pizza in Baltimore, MD on July 2nd
Golfzilla Driving Range in Temple Hills, MD on July 3rd
Chevy Chase Arcade and Barbershop in Washington DC on July 4th
Touchables: The Bra Store in Philadelphia, PA on July 6th
Tong-Tong Chinese Restaurant in Cleveland, OH on July 8th
Wesley's Shoe Corral in Chicago, IL on July 10th
A Sight for Sport Eyes in Portland, OR on July 12
Good Vibrators in San Francisco, CA on July 14th
Northridge Skateland in Northridge, CA on July 15th
Camelback Sunset Chapel Funeral Home in Phoenix, AZ on July 17th
Zinger Hardware and General Store in Austin, TX on July 20th
Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville Cafe in New Orleans, LA on July 22nd
The Teacher's Pet School Supply Store in Atlanta, GA on July 24th
American Artificial Limbs and Braces in Miami, FL on July 26th
Happy Holiday Tours in New York, NY on July 28th

We'll then be returing to our home town to show them what the US government is made of at Buffalo's First Annual Infringement Festival in Buffalo, NY August 4th - 7th.

We hope to see you at one of these great events!

Love,
Subcommander Zero

Building a better rainbow

2005-06-03T09:32:00.000-07:00

Y'all, it is so exciting to be part of the Buffalo Pride Parade this Sunday. I am proud all the time, and I try to explore the other six deadly sins as often as my busy schedule permits, too.

My Cabaret family and I are using the parade as a golden opportunity to kick off our exciting new campaign to BUILD A BETTER RAINBOW. The pride flag is pretty and all, but it just seems kind of ... limiting sometimes. There are all kinds of colors in the universe, ya know. And if they can add a new color of M&M's, shouldn't we be able to spruce up our own brand a little more?

This is all about freedom of choice, so head right over to our online poll and cast your vote today! And share your comments, either there or right here.

See you at the parade!
Ronawanda

PS. That's Sunday, June 5, starting at Kleinhan's at 1PM and heading up Elmwood Avenue to Bidwell Park.

North Ronawanda

2005-05-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

Hey Ronawanda,

I just wanted to say how fabulous you looked at Mr. Ehmke's performance at the Burchfield-Penney. You're really going all out these days, with all your beautiful flowers pinned to your clothes. I guess it just shows that you can be as beautiful as I am if you prepare yourself for more that three minutes. I do think Mr. Ehmke did hog the show a bit, giving you a mere 5 minutes of time, when you should have been running the show. I think you should take a page from my book, and send him away in a tempest, so you can claim your rightful place as the Queen of Everything. I'm hoping he'll give you a bit more time when you visit my hometown of North Tonawanda on May 21st at the Carnegie Art Center. I'll be very disappointed if I come for the cream filling and all I get is stale Hostess cake. Not that I don't like Mr. Ehmke. He just doesn't have your grand charms. He doesn't give candy to strangers, either. Well, Miranda sends her love (though she's giving most of her love to some Slick Willy who claims he used to be president. That little hussy, leaving me home all alone night after night, with nothing but Despearte Housewives and a bottle of Tequila Rose to keep me company, sobbing over lost loves, aching for some attention). And we should get together real soon. We haven't had a girls night out in ages.

Love,
North Ronawanda

Ronawanda

2005-04-27T20:28:00.000-07:00

Y'all, I totally have to put in a plug for my cameo appearance in my alter ego's show this weekend (4/28-4/30/05). You can get the details here. It ain't the Cabaret, but I'll be there, all the same. Hope you will be, too. (Plus the Cabaret's own Kitty Jung and Jack Papier directed it--bold new territory for one and all.)

And y'all be watchin' here for news on the return of the Real Dream, too. One place you'll probably find us this summer is at the upcoming Buffalo Infringement Festival at the end of July and the beginning of August. Click on the site and y'all can not only find out about the festival but propose a performance of yer own! It's gonna be a sweaty summer funfest you won't wanna miss.

Man in Black

2005-03-22T06:47:00.000-08:00

Dearest Claire,

I have been watching you for quite some time. We will meet in due time, and when we do, you will scream out in the joy of pain and ectasy.

Love,
The Man in Black

Claire

2005-03-22T06:43:00.000-08:00

I am so freaked out!

First I was stalked by this cult of three at the Tri-Main Center this weekend, and now I think there's a madman out to kill me! Oh, what am I going to do? I came home last night, and my door was unlocked, and I'm certain that I locked it on the way out. Then, when I took out the trash, there was a man dressed all in black standing at the end of my driveway. I was so terrified I didn't even take the trash out! Then, to top it all off, I had a dream that someone brutally stabbed me last night. My blood was just pouring out of my belly, and I could barely breath because of the gaping stab wound in my chest. I woke up gasping for air. Someone help!

Claire

2005-03-15T07:00:00.000-08:00

I am so freaked out! Last night I had a dream that I was playing the most beautiful, complex organ with one of my favorite people, Tony Conrad. We were having the grandest time, and he just kept looking over at me and laughing in that wonderful way he does until 3 spirits flew in the window and took me away to a dark and dreary land populated by people with 3 eyes who could read all my thoughts. I was so scared that I just kept thinking "Relish Beats Carbohydrates" and they all left me alone. I'm so freaked out I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep for the next week! Someone help me! What am I going to do?!?!?!?!

Amanda Suzanne Khan

2005-03-15T06:54:00.000-08:00

Silly, delusional Ronawanda. Everyone knows that Trimania is really a celebration of the birthday of William Jennings Bryan, the greatest presidential candidate ever, with his luscious brown locks and his deep, penetrating eyes that make me so hot. And his speeches just fill my heart with a longing that will never be squelched. If only I were born in 1890 instead of 1990. Well, I can't wait to celebrate the man I love to love with thousands of his adoring fans. This is going to be the best birthday party EVER!!!!!

Zombie Jesus

2005-03-15T06:52:00.000-08:00

Grrrrrr.

Ronawanda

2005-03-14T11:22:00.000-08:00

Y'all, I am SO EXCITED that we have been invited to perform at a Beatlemania convention this weekend! I don't know why they are calling it "TriMania," though. I guess they didn't get the memo that George Harrison died a few years ago (helllllllloo!!!), and they probably think there are still three Beatles. Anyway, we will have a booth on the third floor of the building, so please come look for us among the thousands of people who are sure to attend. It's a benefit for the Buffalo Arts Studio and Just Buffalo Literary Center, and I am looking forward to being among so many fellow Beatlemaniacs.

John was always my favorite. Sigh. The soul-searing vocals of his primal scream phase will haunt me forever. What about you?

i resolve.

2005-01-22T23:46:00.000-08:00

vile sore.
.ore veils.
..evil rose.
...o servile.
....sire love.
.....or levies.
......visor eel.
.......re olives.
........oil verse.
.........eli roves.
..........over lies.

Ronawanda

2005-01-17T01:48:00.000-08:00

Y'all, the new year is already gettin' old and I still haven't made my resolutions yet! So I hereby resolve to drag my ass to RESOLUTIONS, the film festival Hallwalls is holding at the Market Arcade Film & Arts Center this comin' weekend (Jan 21-22). In addition to a great collection of short films & videos from around the world, it will be a chance for me to see my bestest imaginary friends once again, cuz almost the whole Dream Cab posse will be in the lobby on Friday night before the show harassing innocent theater patrons.

Then, after Saturday night's screening, we'll be doing our first show of 2005 at Soundlab at the post-party around 10 p.m. This will be the fastest we've ever put a show together: just 24 hours, from conception to execution! (Hopefully there will be no actual execution, but with Dr. Milbrando on board, you know there's no telling what might happen.) Yes, we are 24-hour post-party people. And we invite you to come be part of it.

Webmaster's Report

2004-11-12T23:17:00.000-08:00

Now that the October run of the Real Dream Cabaret is over, I've had some time to analyze the demographic data from our website tracking software. Here are a few excerpts from the complete report.

Search Query Report (the words people used to Google us)

1. Kitty Jung (3)
2. Realdreamcabaret.com (3)
3. Real Dream Cabaret (3)
4. Jeannine Giffear (2)
5. Brian Milbrand (2)
6. Milbrand Real Dream Cabaret (1)
7. Julie Perini (1)
8. Kendell Kelly (1)
9. Anna Chiaretta Buffalo (1)
10. Cabaret Scripts (1)
11. Real Dream Cabaret Buffalo October (1)
12. Aimee Goldberg 2004 (1)
13. Greg Kempf (1)
14. Brian Lampkin (1)
15. Kitty Jung Home (1)
16. Aimee Goldberg Johnny (1)
17. Peggy Shaw Scientology(1)
18. Anna Chiaretta (1)
19. Rust Belt Books Wittgenstein (1)
20. Ric Royer (1)

Webmaster's Note: Look guys, I don't mind coming in behind Kitty or Jeannine or Brian or even non-Cabaret folks like Kendell Kelly and Julie Perini. But I have to say that coming in behind "Peggy Shaw Scientology" rankles.

Days Ranked by Number of Webpage Hits

1. Wednesday (187)
2. Tuesday (176)
3. Monday (159)
4. Friday (146)
5. Thursday (141)
6. Saturday (123)
7. Sunday (95)

Busiest Hour of the Day

1. 4:00 p.m. - 5:00 p.m.

Work Day Traffic Expressed as Percentage of the Total

1. 42.5%

Jimmy Hoffa

2004-11-11T09:20:00.000-08:00

I would sincerely like to thank the Cabaret audience for finding me. Those three minutes where I was finally found were the most exciting moments of my life. Sadly, though, I am lost again. After leaving the Cabaret that night, I was suddenly enveloped in a dense fog, and when the fog cleared, I found myself in a lush, dense forest. Right now, I'm hiding under a rock which mysteriously has an internet connection. If you wouldn't mind, the next time you see a rock, look under it and you may find me.

Thanks,
Jimmy

Frosty the Snowman

2004-11-08T14:59:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to let everyone know of my progress in my annual migration south from the North Pole. I just finally arrived in Buffalo, NY today, following the trail of a small flurry. Buffalo truly is my favorite vacation spot. Between November and March, there is never a shortage of food (snow to you humans), and there are plenty of luscious ladies for me to swing with.

I do have one favor to ask of all Buffalonians, though. I would be very grateful if everyone wouldn't drive for the entire winter. You see, the dirt and black sludge your modes of transportation emit onto the ground become unsightly messes on my outfit, and the ladies never go for an untidy snowman. You'd really be helping me out if you just walked, biked or took the subway for the entire winter. Then, when the snow melts, and I skip town, you can go back to driving your filthy vehicles.

One other note... if Rime the Snowman comes looking for me, I'm not in town.

Frosty

Sigmund the Sad

2004-11-06T13:48:00.000-08:00

Election Day was quite a sad day for me. First the "real" magician, Todd Nelson forced me off stage, after I accidentally pulled the handle off his sword, leaving the sword lodged in Security Mom's neck. Then, Bush was re-elected.

I've been asking myself over and over how this could happen, and then I realized that Bush is in with some really dark powers. During my stay in the Underworld, where I trained with the Devil himself, I met some other magicians who were training for more dastardly deeds than simply being able to tell someone psychically which card they selected. Dick the Dastardly, Colin the Cancerous and Donald the Distasteful were training their magical powers so they could fix the election for George W. Bush.

So now I have a magical answer for everyone who would like to reverse the decision reached through underhanded use of magical powers. Through my training with Satan, I have found out that you can truly make people disappear at will, never to return to the face of the earth. Of course, there are a lot of people we will need to make disappear before we will get to a leader worth leading, but if everyone concentrates on George W. disappearing into thin air at midnight every night for the next month, at the end of the month he will evaporate, never to be seen again. We'll need a lot of mental power to make this work, so tell all of your friends and enemies to join in the fight, and we'll never have to hear the words Mission Accomplished, No Child Left Behind or Anti-Abortion again.

Sigmund the Sad

Ronawanda

2004-11-04T20:55:00.000-08:00

People who weren't there keep askin' how our Election Night show went, and hell, y'all, what can I say? It was what it was. Great dream, bad reality. Started like a party, ended like a wake (complete with fanTAStic music from our house band, the Dixieland Grifters, who played us out with a nice little jazz funeral music for cryin' and dancin'). We laughed and we cried and we did the only thing we could do under the circumstances: we joined together with our friends and put on a HELL of a show. I can't IMAGINE bein' anywhere else that night, that's fer sure. Thank you, Raging Grannies, Steve Kurtz, David Butler, Jody Lafond, Todd Nelson, Jan Nagle, and Ted Pelton, for sharin' our teensy tiny stage with us, too!

Bear in mind, I'm just a fictional character and I only exist onstage and in these words here, but fer GAWD's sake, I gotta live through all this just like the rest of y'all! During the show itself all I could really think about was what I was gonna wear next (didn't count the costume changes but I think it was a personal record), but lemme tell you the full shock of the election hit home the next morning, along with a killer hangover. (I never touch a drop during shows, but our dear friend The Wine Guy was in the audience Tuesday, and as soon as the performance ended--around 2 or 2:30 AM?--the vino started flowin' inta my veins.)

Mah honey said when it was all over that the next run of Cabaret shows will have to be in Canada cuz we won't be allowed to play in Bush's America anymore. The hell we won't! I talk a lot about movin' out of the country, but that would just be letting the REAL terrorists (the ones with "Four More Years" stickers on their fuckin' SUVs) win. As long as I have any say in the matter, my ass is stayin' put. I'll be DAMNED if I'll let my country fall into the hands of jackasses. (You might think it's there now, but as long as we're so goddammed "divided" as a nation, there's still a shitload of us who DO NOT AGREE with the powers that be.)

On to brighter pastures: now that our month of shows is over, we're plannin' what to do next. So lemme throw it out there to alla y'all who come to our shows and read our funkyass blog... Want some say in our future? You might not feel like you have a say in your COUNTRY's future lately, but WE wanna hear what you think about what our little gang of make-believers has done so far and where we oughta go next. (Fer instance: Are you one of those people who want to see us set up in a bigger establishment, or do you like the funky 30-seat AHMbiAHNCE of our Rust Belt home? Is it important to you that our show change 100% every 2 performances, or do you care? Are there topics or themes you wanna see us take on? And so on.) Tell us anything that's on yer mind. And even if you don't have nuthin' to say about our cabaret, feel free to vent about the fucked-up decision our nation just made, too. Whatever floats yer boat or sinks the status quo's. Spill it! Puhllllleeeeeease! This space is YER space...

2004-11-03T13:12:00.000-08:00

DJ (Demon Jacob)

2004-10-31T10:44:00.000-08:00

Why Not Guy, you will rue the day you fucked with a demon. I swear, I will have your head on a platter with a side of deviled eggs and swiss cheese. You haven't seen the last of me.

DJ

Claire

2004-10-31T10:28:00.000-08:00

I AM SO FREAKED OUT!

There doesn't seem to be any grey zones any more. My dreams are either the most fantastical, etherial dreams about flying and having sex with Johnny Knoxville at the same time, or they're the most horrifying visions I have ever had. Just last night, I had this nightmare about Clarivan, this new laundry detergent which was also a concentrated beverage. It turned out, however, that the United States government were actually packaging it to sell to poor people to kill them so that there would be less people to drain Social Security resources. I know I have been known to have clairevoyant dreams, but if anything of this nature happens, well, I'm just going to have to stop living in my dream world and do something about it.

Love and kisses,
Claire

2004-10-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

Frosty the Snowman

2004-10-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

I will be unable to attend this week's Cabaret, due to the fact that it sounds quite hellish.

Best Regards,

Frosty

Nick the Nose

2004-10-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

This is the last time I'll be contacting you before drastic measures are required. We have tried to work with you to return the money Mr. Brian stole from us last year, but have met with repeated excuses. If we don't recieve payment by Friday, we'll hit you where it hurts. Everywhere it hurts.

Nick the Nose

North Ronawanda

2004-10-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

This is just a letter to call off my truce with my sister Ronawanda. I thought we had worked things out, after she tried to kill me and all, and I thought her invitation to rejoin the Cabaret was sincere. Instead she gave me some insane map, which led me to a very weird maze on an island, and suddenly I was being chased by some half-bull half-human creature, probably made by that creep Dr. Milbrando. Well, you can just go to hell Ronawanda.

Love,
Your Sister
North Ronawanda

Cha-ka

2004-10-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

me mundi ane yeni erokani.
yeni beni doma.
yeni beni anuanu.
me tesa. me tesa tesa!
me anu aboba.
me huma!

Claire

2004-10-25T14:56:00.000-07:00

I would really like to thank the Real Dream Cabaret for helping me find my baby, despite the nasty nipple biter that she is. If it weren't for the help of your audience, my baby may have been trapped underneath that table for an eternity, or at least until she starved to death.

I've never been to the Cabaret before, but it seems as if you have quite an odd show. It was exactly like I dreamed it would be. In fact that reminds me of a dream that I had last night where I got on this bus to leave Buffalo with this large group of very old people. It was around 11 o'clock, and I had no idea where we were going, but I was by far the youngest person on the bus. As the bus approached the intersection of Delevan and Main, we had a terrible accident and were flipped over on our side. I was the only person who was still conscious after the accident, so I crawled out the side of the bus (which was now the top), and went looking for help. I stumbled onto the Canisus College campus, and went to a building I believe to be their student union, though I've never been inside of the building in my entire life. I approached the door, and heard some sort of chanting. After I knocked, a woman in a brown monk robe answered the door, and at that moment I realized that she was Satan and I was God, and that we were about to have a fight over the souls of the world. I looked in my purse and found the handle of a sword which had been broken off, and only an inch of the blade remained, but I knew that this was the only sword that could kill Satan. We had a huge fight, which lasted for hours, until I had her pinned down on a bed, and began repeatedly cutting her with the inch of the sword that remained. As I stabbed her she began to shrink, until she was the size of a pinky finger, and I locked her in a very small box and put her in my pocket. I was so exhausted after the fight, and all I could think about was getting something to eat. I stumbled through the pale blue glow of early morning into a diner across the street and ordered one fried egg and a piece of onion toast.

Well, I think that's about all for me. Thanks again.

Piaget the Mute Swine

2004-10-24T17:09:00.001-07:00

My human colleagues in the RDC are a fickle lot. Last week (when the theme was "The Islands") I was the debutante, receiving critical hosannas for my career-defining role in "The Island of Dr. Milbrando" and praised by the cast for saving the show from the brink of disaster. I was even awarded a special hanger backstage, so that I may appear at any time my human friends need salvation--which seems to be mighty often, if you ask me.

That was then. This is now: Friday night (opening night of "Land of the Lost") I hung on my hanger, muter than ever, with no part whatsoever in the script. Is this the thanks I get??? Meanwhile, the new girl--the two-and-a-half-foot Barbie doll who looks like she stumbled in from a dumpster behind Toys R Us (talk about an airhead!)--is cast as Cha-Ka, lead resident of the jungle kingdom.

A lesser swine would have complained about this diminutive hussy's obvious "All About Eve" turn. (Last week the little bimbo was my understudy, damnit.) But no. I hung there, voluntarily keeping silent, until I could stand it no longer. During the ensuing musical performance by Bob's Power Crystals, I joined Cha-Ka and Dopey the Dinosaur for a spontaneous (if wordless) choral cameo.

Saturday night, my impromptu appearance was more prominently featured and I gave myself a larger part in the jungle scene (even as Mini-Barbie's role expanded to elephantine proportions). But for god's sake, my true talent remains untapped. What will it take for the humans to recognize my potential? Am I just yesterday's news? The Fiona Apple of the cabaret orchard?

Not if I have anything to do with it, that's for damn sure.

--PTMS

North Ronawanda

2004-10-17T11:50:00.000-07:00

I must say that this weekend was one of the most exciting weekends I've had in a long time, or at least since I was locked away on Riker's Island by my evil twin sister Ronawanda. I had so many visitors to my Island this weekend, and I would really like to thank all those special visitors, especially Martha Stewart & Ronawanda. I think in the end things are starting to work out with Ronawanda and I. Perhaps Ronawanda will finally let bygones be bygones and discontinue presenting me as her evil twin sister, when she was the evil wench who stole the Cabaret from me in the first place...

But I digress...

I'm hoping that Ronawanda will come to my probation sentencing this week, and speak on my behalf so that I will finally be free as a bird. Maybe I'll even be able to make it to the Cabaret this week, though I'll probably get lost on the way. Who knows. Well, sis, I hope you'll be able to make it. I promise I won't try to kill you or stop time again.

Love and kisses,
N. Ronawanda

Real Dream Cabaret Anagrams

2004-10-16T23:08:00.000-07:00

THE REAL DREAM CABARET
debate the arrear clam
theater caramel bread
a three-bracelet drama
bathe, cremate a larder
a charmed rebate later
create bad leather arm
lacerated mare breath
a latter-eared chamber
retrace a lamb heart
trachea a-tremble dare
embrace related art - ha!
amber cadet rear lathe
rather a bleated cream
ace rare tablet harmed
breathe malta re: cedar
dear, ramble at hectare
embrace da heart later
halt ember carat creed
archer made at a belter
heard a battle creamer
a heat caterer rambled
matter breach a dealer
belate radar theme car
thermal debt care area
demarcate blather tear
aha! cratered balm tree
tamer cable, harder tea

RONAWANDA ran on a wad
SIGMUND THE SUFFICIENT cuffing his united stem
JACK PAPIER pick pea jar
LIEULIEU DEAUXFLEUR i.e. lux flu due rue ail
KITTY JUNG gitt junky
DONNA CHIARA ion and car... ha!
STAGE MASTER great steams
STAGE BOY bye, goats
DORA road
COMRADE LAMPKIN mocked plain ram
THE WHY (NOT!) GUY hey towny! (thug)
BLEWYN BLACK yank well, BBC
PIAGET THE MUTE SWINE eat thumping sweetie

Dr. Milbrand

2004-10-12T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm just writing to invite the Cabaret and their faithful audience to join me on the Island I recently purchased in the Carribean. The island is beautiful, full of lush vegetation and the most unusual and slightly frightening creatures. I'm continuing my research on the island, as I've been exiled from the United States due to Bush's laws against Stem Cell Research and cloning. I'm hoping that once we get a new president I'll be allowed to perform my research legitamately. My work is important to me, and my findings, rather than being shunned, should be looked upon as a bold breakthrough in finding the divide between man and animal. Here's hoping that I'll have plenty of victims... I mean visitors this weekend.

Sincerely,
Dr. Milbrand

2004-10-10T16:51:00.000-07:00

Ronawanda

2004-10-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

So?????? What did y'all think about Opening Night? (Y'all = both audience and performers alike.) Do tell.

Ronawanda

2004-10-08T02:42:00.000-07:00

Can y'all believe it? The doors open for our first show of the new season in EIGHTEEN HOURS! Just got home from a rehearsal that started at 8 PM and ended at 2 AM, and I have ten costume changes to figure out plus a tape to make for the Borderlands. Plus my current day job, slinging hash at the Waffle House and singin' torch songs to the customers. Bizzy, bizzy, bizzy.

Some of our guest artists dropped by tonight, like Miss Heather from Bossa Womba Loca, and Mr. Tony Conrad, and Mr. Kendall. Very exciting. Plus we had a little stopby from Miss Bonita Z, who will once again be doing dream interpretation in the Borderlands before the show and during intermission (but maybe only for the first weekend, unfortunately).

I would say I cain't wait for showtime, but between you and me, I definitely CAN wait. Eighteen hours, at least.

2004-10-03T15:31:00.000-07:00

Ronawanda

2004-10-02T19:51:00.000-07:00

Y'all, the October DREAM is rapidly becoming a REALITY. The press releases have gone out, the tickets are waiting for people to buy at Rust Belt Books, the posters are about to pop up all over town, the lasers and fog machines are being tested, the antelope costumes are being FedExed to us... All that's left is to write the show!

This time next Friday, we'll all be frantically lighting candles on cabaret tables, putting on our makeup, sweeping the floor, and rehearsing our opening night gala for the very first time.

I'm jokin' about that last part, but not entirely. But we DID just have our first meeting with some our house bands and guest artists last Thursday, and that's always my favorite part of the whole thing (other than doing the show itself, and falling backwards into a pool of my own sick at Saturday night's afterparty). Our dear friend Christina Kaulbach (whom you might remember from our days with the Cabaret Parasito) dropped by; she'll be performing on Oct. 9. And some of the surfer dudes and dudettes from Dimetrodon, who will be our house band the following weekend (after rocking that very same house to the ground last February), were there with their surfboards and woodies. (Oh, no, that was US with the woodies.) We got a sneak peek at Kalifornia Kim & The Transsexual Experience, who are also playing Oct. 15 & 16, and we met Kate Anderson, who is brand new to town and ready to unleash some kickass standup on y'all on the weekend of Oct. 29 & 30. And naturally our very own Dora was there representing her OTHER very best friends, the band Readybox, who will be our musical guides to the Land of the Lost Oct. 22 & 23.

After all our special friends left, we got down to work on our opening-weekend FERTILE CRESCENT extravaganza, and let me tell you it was ROUGH. For one thing, we were competing with the first Kerrey/Bush debate, which just raised the whole question of what business we have trying to make art, or political satire, or whatever it is we do, in such scary times. Now, granted, I'm a fictional character so I can't vote, and most of my Cabaret friends are imaginary too, but those of you who live in the "real" world (and I use that term as loosely as my sister North Rona uses her diaphragm) have bigger fish to fry. All WE have to worry about is trying to figure out which wig goes with which thrift store pantsuit. Y'all, on the other hand, are on the brink of thermonuclear disaster and/or the complete collapse of civil liberties and/or the demise of every principle that originally united the States, in case you hadn't noticed lately. I swear, it's awful tempting sometimes to just throw up your hands and say that nothing you do or say or create will make a difference, that the country's going to hell in a handbasket if we don't uproot the Bush. But if we don't tell our little jokes and sing (okay, lipsynch) our little songs to 30 people a night, what else could or should we be doing instead that would make any more of a difference?

So what do Y'ALL think, you audience people and fictional characters and nonfictional entities reading this? What CAN be the role of our little show--of all of our little lives--in the face of such a big, big, fucked up situation? Post yer comments here if you feel like it. Or anywhere else you can think of. Don't hold in yer despair--it'll only give you a bad cramp.

Oh, and if yer in the vicinity and still have an AM radio (remember those?), tune it to 1270 AM at 10 AM on Wednesday, October 6, cuz the Cabaret cast 'n' crew will be on Theresa Baker's supercool show "Talkback" to discuss that very subject and more. (Me, I'm still livin' on Taos Time, and I never get up that early, but I'll be rootin' for 'em in my dreams.)

And no matter what ELSE you do today, take it from Ronawanda: you make damn sure that your ass is registered to VOTE on Nov. 2 and that you tell everybody you know and love that they gotta vote TOO or you will withhold sex from them for the next four years.

And (as the Stage Master would say) that's an ORDER.

If You Like Pina Coladas...

2004-10-01T16:37:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone, I'm a SWFP new on the scene and looking for some no-strings fun. I like rolling around in the mud, quiet nights in the sty, and sharing table scraps by candlelight with hunky SWMPs. Bonus points if they're mute, vaguely European intellectuals who love the theatre. Hit me up at SizzlingBacon@aol.com.

Announcement

2004-09-28T01:38:00.000-07:00

Attention Real Dream Cabaret fans and castmembers: please stop the calls and emails asking me to swipe a pair of Don Paul's jockey shorts for you from the locker facilities at WIVB-TV. I mean, come on people, not only is it just flat-out rude but it also shows an incredible lack of respect for both Mr. Paul and me. If you want a pair of his shorts so badly, I suggest you get your ass over to ebay and bid like anyone else. Thank you.

P.S. My Jacquie Walker policy remains unchanged. Dude's got to eat, after all.

Frosty the Snowman

2004-09-27T15:38:00.000-07:00

I've begun my yearly migration down from the North Pole, and I hope to make it to Buffalo a little early this year so I can get involved in the Cabaret again. Santa says that he's got a real cold blast ready to hit Buffalo by mid-October, and I'm looking forward to it. Nothing says fun like 4 feet of snow in one day!!!! Also, if anyone knows of any snow women out there, it's been a little lonely for me these past few years since my wife, Cranreuch, melted away. She always was slow to migrate, but women are just that way. Well, send some cold snow women my way, D-cup or larger, 36"round-24"round-36"round, NO FATTIES!!!! Well, I'll see you all real soon.

Coldly,
Frosty

Sperm

2004-09-27T15:37:00.000-07:00

Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

Sigmund the Sufficient

2004-09-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I must say that it's been quite a whirlwind of a summer. After I got upgraded yet again by the Magician's Guild to Sigmund the Sufficient, I began getting calls for all kinds of new work. I've recently joined the Federation of Corporate and Trade Show Magicians (FOCATSM), and that's led to some exciting and lucrative work. I recently opened for Gallagher at the Microsoft Summer Picnic (Bill Gates is a big Gallagher fan), and I got a gig on a USO tour, supporting the troops the only way I know how... with MAGIC! The soliders weren't very receptive, though. I think they wanted Jessica Simpson.

I'm very thankful that Ronawanda let me back into the Cabaret. It took a lot of convincing and threatening to get her to understand that it was all North Ronawanda who wanted to overthrow the Cabaret. I was tied up backstage the whole time, and N. Ronawanda was just impersonating me. I swear I'm just an honest magician who's trying to make a living doing the only thing I love... that's right.... MAGIC!

Well, I look forward to seeing my adoring fans again, and I hope I can provide a sufficiently enjoyable time to the audience.

Love Always,

Sigmund the Sufficient

Piaget the Mute Swine

2004-09-24T22:54:00.000-07:00

I choose not to speak, but that does not mean my thoughts do not flow freely. My voice belongs to everyone. I am ephemeral, I am paper in flame, I am a living poem.

Ronawanda

2004-09-22T22:43:00.000-07:00

Y'all, I am having SO MUCH f-u-n getting ready for the new run of cabaret shows! We have a new cast member (I don't know her pretend name yet, but her real one is Miss Anna), and some new puppet friends (last week I met Piaget the Mute Swine for the first time, and he is a real cutie-poot, once you get over the silent treatment), and a new set (say hello to windows!), and all kinds of other exciting changes in our make-believe world.

As if that weren't all, we have all kinds of side projects in the works, like two video adventures and a calendar and our own line of luge suits and ever so much more. We've even had our first cast illness of the season, which surely won't be the last (get well soon, Dora--you know we're all right behind you ... in the line for the emergency room).

On a personal note, last night I dreamed about my sister North Ronawanda. The dream was directed by Penelope Spheeris. NR and I were sitting on the beach playing parchesi, and all of a sudden she started speaking Olde English! At least I'm pretty sure that's what it was; I caught most of the plot of Beowulf in there, but also a little part of an episode of Caroline in the City from the mid-90s.

Man, that used to be my favorite show.

North Ronawanda

2004-08-18T14:31:00.000-07:00

HEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Well, since my secret identity was discovered in February, and I was arrested for my plot to stop time, I've served the first 5 months of my 20 year sentence at the Danbury Federal Correctional Institution (though I have the possibility of parole in 15 years, and of course there are the many escape plans I'm busy hatching). Of course my blood is still boiling after my sister, Ronawanda, ratted me out. When she got up on the stand and said those awful things about me, well, lets just say she won't even know what hit her when I get out, which will hopefully be sooner than later.

I'm all jazzed up, though, because I'm going to be getting a new cell mate soon. I've been told that I'll be bunking with Martha Stewart once she starts serving her jail sentence. I was so excited when they told me I got my knickers all in a bunch. I'm hoping we'll have the cutest cell in the block, though I know I'll have the cutest cellmate in the block.

Well, God and shovel willing, I'll see y'all in October.

Ronawanda

2004-08-06T23:14:00.000-07:00

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Just a note to kick things off here and tell all my Cabaret brothers and sisters how much I miss y'all. Can't wait to get to work on our grand return to our stage home at Rust Belt in two short months.

Well, actually I can wait just a while longer, because I am having the time of my LIFE here in Taos, NM, sipping margaritas on the porch of my new friends' condo (it is made ENTIRELY of adobe!) and listening to abrasive German techno while snorting horse tranquilizers.

How did I get here, and who are my new friends? Beats the hell out of me! I thought I was boarding a plane bound for my hometown of Tonawanda, Mississippi to recover from my recent botched celebrity makeover, but somehow I ended up walking through the wrong gate at the airport, and one thing led to another, and here I am. Let me tell you, there are some super nice people working in the baggage claim department of the Taos airport! They gave me a place to stay for as long as I want, one hot meal after another (not counting the icy cold gazpacho we had for lunch this afternoon), and an unlimited supply of drugs and alcohol. Talk about a real dream!

Admittedly, they seem to think I really am Tammy Wynette, and I haven't had the heart to break the news to them about her tragic death a few years back. I'm sure it will come up in conversation sooner or later, but for now I am living like a queen.

See y'all back in the Buff in a month or so--maybe sooner, maybe later.