Wednesday, August 18, 2004

North Ronawanda

HEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Well, since my secret identity was discovered in February, and I was arrested for my plot to stop time, I've served the first 5 months of my 20 year sentence at the Danbury Federal Correctional Institution (though I have the possibility of parole in 15 years, and of course there are the many escape plans I'm busy hatching). Of course my blood is still boiling after my sister, Ronawanda, ratted me out. When she got up on the stand and said those awful things about me, well, lets just say she won't even know what hit her when I get out, which will hopefully be sooner than later.

I'm all jazzed up, though, because I'm going to be getting a new cell mate soon. I've been told that I'll be bunking with Martha Stewart once she starts serving her jail sentence. I was so excited when they told me I got my knickers all in a bunch. I'm hoping we'll have the cutest cell in the block, though I know I'll have the cutest cellmate in the block.

Well, God and shovel willing, I'll see y'all in October.


Ron said...

North, hon, I just hope your time in the Big House teaches you a lesson or two. You have a good heart, even if it is black as pitch and cold as a popsicle.

Is Martha as adorable in real life as she is on TV? I just hope you keep your paws off her and her brand.

Will we really see you in October? That would be ... great, really great. I can't wait to catch up on old times with you, restraining order or no restraining order.

yer sister Ronawanda

The Why (Not!) Guy said...

So are you two really sisters? The reason I'm asking is that I wouldn't mind being the dividing line between Ronawanda and North Ronawanda, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Why Not,
Believe me, North Ronawanda is not the kind of individual I would claim as my sister if she wasn't. (I would go for Sister Bertrille, or Sister Christian, or maybe all of Sister Sledge, but not Sister North Ronawanda.)

Now, as to dividing lines, that would make you the Leery Canal, wouldn't it?

Keep on keepin' on,

PS. Are you related to the TAMMY WhyNots of Nashville? Just wondering.