Tuesday, September 28, 2004


Attention Real Dream Cabaret fans and castmembers: please stop the calls and emails asking me to swipe a pair of Don Paul's jockey shorts for you from the locker facilities at WIVB-TV. I mean, come on people, not only is it just flat-out rude but it also shows an incredible lack of respect for both Mr. Paul and me. If you want a pair of his shorts so badly, I suggest you get your ass over to ebay and bid like anyone else. Thank you.

P.S. My Jacquie Walker policy remains unchanged. Dude's got to eat, after all.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Frosty the Snowman

I've begun my yearly migration down from the North Pole, and I hope to make it to Buffalo a little early this year so I can get involved in the Cabaret again. Santa says that he's got a real cold blast ready to hit Buffalo by mid-October, and I'm looking forward to it. Nothing says fun like 4 feet of snow in one day!!!! Also, if anyone knows of any snow women out there, it's been a little lonely for me these past few years since my wife, Cranreuch, melted away. She always was slow to migrate, but women are just that way. Well, send some cold snow women my way, D-cup or larger, 36"round-24"round-36"round, NO FATTIES!!!! Well, I'll see you all real soon.



Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

Sigmund the Sufficient

Well, I must say that it's been quite a whirlwind of a summer. After I got upgraded yet again by the Magician's Guild to Sigmund the Sufficient, I began getting calls for all kinds of new work. I've recently joined the Federation of Corporate and Trade Show Magicians (FOCATSM), and that's led to some exciting and lucrative work. I recently opened for Gallagher at the Microsoft Summer Picnic (Bill Gates is a big Gallagher fan), and I got a gig on a USO tour, supporting the troops the only way I know how... with MAGIC! The soliders weren't very receptive, though. I think they wanted Jessica Simpson.

I'm very thankful that Ronawanda let me back into the Cabaret. It took a lot of convincing and threatening to get her to understand that it was all North Ronawanda who wanted to overthrow the Cabaret. I was tied up backstage the whole time, and N. Ronawanda was just impersonating me. I swear I'm just an honest magician who's trying to make a living doing the only thing I love... that's right.... MAGIC!

Well, I look forward to seeing my adoring fans again, and I hope I can provide a sufficiently enjoyable time to the audience.

Love Always,

Sigmund the Sufficient

Friday, September 24, 2004

Piaget the Mute Swine

I choose not to speak, but that does not mean my thoughts do not flow freely. My voice belongs to everyone. I am ephemeral, I am paper in flame, I am a living poem.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004


Y'all, I am having SO MUCH f-u-n getting ready for the new run of cabaret shows! We have a new cast member (I don't know her pretend name yet, but her real one is Miss Anna), and some new puppet friends (last week I met Piaget the Mute Swine for the first time, and he is a real cutie-poot, once you get over the silent treatment), and a new set (say hello to windows!), and all kinds of other exciting changes in our make-believe world.

As if that weren't all, we have all kinds of side projects in the works, like two video adventures and a calendar and our own line of luge suits and ever so much more. We've even had our first cast illness of the season, which surely won't be the last (get well soon, Dora--you know we're all right behind you ... in the line for the emergency room).

On a personal note, last night I dreamed about my sister North Ronawanda. The dream was directed by Penelope Spheeris. NR and I were sitting on the beach playing parchesi, and all of a sudden she started speaking Olde English! At least I'm pretty sure that's what it was; I caught most of the plot of Beowulf in there, but also a little part of an episode of Caroline in the City from the mid-90s.

Man, that used to be my favorite show.