Sunday, October 24, 2004

Piaget the Mute Swine

My human colleagues in the RDC are a fickle lot. Last week (when the theme was "The Islands") I was the debutante, receiving critical hosannas for my career-defining role in "The Island of Dr. Milbrando" and praised by the cast for saving the show from the brink of disaster. I was even awarded a special hanger backstage, so that I may appear at any time my human friends need salvation--which seems to be mighty often, if you ask me.

That was then. This is now: Friday night (opening night of "Land of the Lost") I hung on my hanger, muter than ever, with no part whatsoever in the script. Is this the thanks I get??? Meanwhile, the new girl--the two-and-a-half-foot Barbie doll who looks like she stumbled in from a dumpster behind Toys R Us (talk about an airhead!)--is cast as Cha-Ka, lead resident of the jungle kingdom.

A lesser swine would have complained about this diminutive hussy's obvious "All About Eve" turn. (Last week the little bimbo was my understudy, damnit.) But no. I hung there, voluntarily keeping silent, until I could stand it no longer. During the ensuing musical performance by Bob's Power Crystals, I joined Cha-Ka and Dopey the Dinosaur for a spontaneous (if wordless) choral cameo.

Saturday night, my impromptu appearance was more prominently featured and I gave myself a larger part in the jungle scene (even as Mini-Barbie's role expanded to elephantine proportions). But for god's sake, my true talent remains untapped. What will it take for the humans to recognize my potential? Am I just yesterday's news? The Fiona Apple of the cabaret orchard?

Not if I have anything to do with it, that's for damn sure.



Anonymous said...

Dear Piaget,

I would just like to say that you whine too much. Not everyone can be the star of the show, and as you well know, I, Friday the Food Pyramid, haven't even been asked to appear in the Cabaret yet this season. Plus, I have alot to say, unlike you, you ugly, petty, mute swine. You realize that when you vow to be a mute, that also means you vow to discontinue all communications, so please discontinue posting your ridiculous, self-important letters to this blog. Maybe if you were a little more friendly, more people would want to shove their hand up your ass.

Your enemy,
Friday the Food Pyramid

Ron said...

Sorry, but I don't think the author of that last comment is the real Friday. I know Friday; Friday is a friend of mine. You, sir or ma'am, are an impostor. And I will not heed one word of your nonsense.

Meanwhile, my fortunes in the RDC continue to ebb and flow: In the "Underworld" show, I played Orpheus, a role of major mythological significance. On election night, however, I was again reduced to a cameo. Life is unfair! What is a mute swine to do but post his occasional comments on a blog?

You humans, on the other hand, have far bigger worries now. You have my sympathy as you stumble towards self-destruction. The time of annhilation is at hand. May your end be as painless as possible under the circumstances.


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